Reasons It's better to be a Guy

  • Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat
  • You know stuff about cars
  • A five day vacation requires only one suitcase
  • Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter
  • You can open all your own jars
  • Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight
  • Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind
  • When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying
  • Your ass is never a factor in a job interview
  • You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go
  • You can go to the bathroom with out a support group
  • Your last name stays put
  • You can leave a hotel bed unmade
  • When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you
  • You can kill your own food
  • The garage is all yours
  • You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
  • You never have to clean the toilet
  • You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes
  • Wedding plans take care of themselves
  • If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend
  • Your underwear is $10 for a three pack
  • You don't have to shave below your neck
  • You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite
  • If you're 40 and single nobody notices
  • You can write your name in the snow
  • Everything on your face stays its original color
  • Chocolate is just another snack
  • You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat
  • Flowers fix everything
  • You never have to worry about other people's feelings
  • Three pair of shoes are more than enough
  • Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room
  • You can whip your shirt off on a hot day
  • You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by
  • You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid
  • Car mechanics tell you the truth
  • You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut
  • You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking (He must be mad at me)
  • You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you
  • Hot wax never comes near your pubic area
  • One mood, all the time
  • You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him
  • You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle
  • You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing
  • Same work more pay
  • Gray hair and wrinkles add character
  • You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments
  • You don't mooch off others' desserts
  • The remote is yours and yours alone
  • People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them
  • You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother
  • You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked
  • You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom
  • If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed
  • If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies
  • Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary
  • The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected
  • You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood
  • You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny
  • If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room
  • New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet
  • You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries
  • Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
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