Ernesto Bertarelli has announced the entrance of his new team into the forthcoming Rugby World cup this year.
I have been interested in rugby ever since my childhood," The Swiss billionaire stated " As a child I slept with a rugby ball in my cot, and trained on the greatest rugby fields in Switzerland. I want to follow my interest by entering the Swiss rugby team this year.
Bertarelli's announcement was embraced by the Swiss president who stated, "Switzerland has a long and proud rugby history. I think that we can teach the world about tolerance and optimism in rugby instead of the nationalism and backbiting that exists now in the antipodes". He added, "Gaining the Rugby World Cup will be a great achievement for the Swiss nation and show the world our true sporting prowess"
The Alinghi Team have welcomed 27 new Immigrants to their Rugby team from New Zealand recently.
Jona Lomu, the latest Swiss citizen was rumored to be heavily reimbursed for his switch to Alinghi. Lomu evasively answered the question on money saying only "they gave me MTV".
Andrew Mehrtens was happy captaining his new team. "I feel that us Swiss will be able to match any team in the world and bring out the strong Swiss heritage we all possess", Mehrtens stated. It is rumored that Mehrtens has been given Lichtenstein as payment for his efforts.
Tana Umuga agreed with his captain "As Swiss citizens we are proud of our rugby and are not just in it for the money" he added. "We are honorable professionals just trying to further our sport".
Ernesto Bertarelli stated that upon winning the World cup they would be happy to host the next cup in Switzerland. "As the new holders we can raise the cup to new levels of professionalism and integrity, and really make some money out of it."
A poll of Swiss citizens underscored the enthusiasm of the average Swiss for the team. "I am looking very much to seeing the next world cup" Mr. Swartznager said" Ve have been underrated for too long, now we can take our true place in the tennis world"
Other people interviewed believed Rugby to be a new fashion store or fast food "Vatever it is we are happy to buy it" Stated Mrs. Bicknekkle "Ve love shiny cups, and have bought a lot of them recently".
The Alinghi Team will also begin their matches with the dance from the Swiss billionaire's home village. "We are happy to see this honorable traditional dance revived for the Rugby World cup," said Bertarelli.
Called the Hakyodel, it involves the players chanting out the words to a challenge in an archaic Swiss language whilst waving their cowbells in a threatening manner at the opposition.
The team members names have been released to the media with many familiar players making up their imported side.
Players touring include:
Christian Cullen, Mark Robinson, Ben Blair, Keith Lowen, Jonah Lomu, Carlos Spencer, Doug Howlett, Andrew Mehrtens, Tana Umaga, Danny Lee, Regan King, Steve Devine, Paul Steinmetz, Taine Randell, Ali Williams, Sam Broomhall, Kees Meeuws, Marty Holah, Joe McDonnell, Rodney So'oialo, Carl Hayman, Daniel Braid, Tony Woodcock, Keith Robinson, Keven Mealamu, Bradley Mika, Andrew Hore,
In other news:
Canterbury will be unable to field a Super 12 team this year as players have left the country and are unavailable for the season.