Once Were Warriors (2003) DVD

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A compelling behind the scenes expose' of the tragic yet rapid decline of Australian rugby. Contains excellent ancient archival footage of when the Wallabies were actually quite good.

Also includes wonderful widescreen footage of their 2002 loss to Ireland (snigger), the dreary, soul-less win against Wales and their Anus Horribilus, the holy trinity of beatings - England, South Africa, and New Zealand (times 2, no less).

In addition there is rare, brutally honest footage of the TNT courier blokes, bit by bit packing and shipping off the contents of the ARU trophy cabinet that they're always banging on about (such as the only trophies that count for anything, ie. the Super12, Cook Cup, Mandela Plate, Trinations trophy, Bledisloe Cup).

Never has a team fallen so far, so quickly...The 2003 Wallabies, deah-oh-dear-oh-dear!

"Christ, they were shite weren't they?" ~ New York Times

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Team Selection for Dummies (2003) Book

~ Eddie "12Subs" Jones
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Enjoy Eddie Jones' colourful thoughts on the subtle art of the selection process for an international rugby team.

Includes such wacky gems as:

• His convoluted, verbose justification for including 3 overpriced, novice league players who subsequently got torn to shreds in a record 50-21 home ground humiliation at the hands of NZ,

• His "logic" behind stubbornly refusing to blood any new players on the 2002 tour of Europe or the ill-fated Trinations,

• His revolutionary tactic of completely dropping the gutsy, highly respected mongrel Nathan Grey after playing him out of position against the World's number 1 team while persisting with other obviously over-the-hill past performers.

Many will also be engrossed in Chapter 7 entitled : Steve Kefu, erm....Why?

Eddie's simply a dead-set genius. Just how he managed to systematically destroy the world class legacy bequeathed to him by Macqueen and Eales so efficiently is beyond this reviewer!

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Also available for in-store pickup today.

Carlos' Kitchen (2003) Book
~ Carlos Spencer
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The sweet-faced Kiwi chef who has sold more than five million cookbooks is back.

In this, his third outing in print, Carlos Spencer once again delivers his tried and true recipe for success - The art of carving up soft, tender little Wallabies! The little master once again demonstrates how to turn this obnoxious pest into a easily digestible, tasty treat.

Carlos demonstrates that there is nothing sweeter than a Wallaby butchered and stewed in a Hangi for 80 minutes then torn to pieces and devoured for the enjoyment of an appreciative crowd.

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Dumb and Dumber (Special Edition) (2003) DVD
~ George Gregan and Eddie "12Subs" Jones

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A slap-stick, laugh-a-minute, gag-a-thon featuring the diminuitive bald Gregan attempting in vain (all the while with an irritating, smug expression) to decipher the bizarre unintelligible techno-babble spewed out by his equally hilarious side-kick Eddie Jones.

The ensuing chaos as Eddie and Georgie bumble from one humiliating disaster to another is immensely satisfying, and all the while there is no let up in Eddies' wisecracks and penchant for zany pseudo-statistics, such as the following priceless lines :

"Studies have shown test rugby is 12% faster than Super12"

"The backrow will be interchangeable because numbers six (blindside flanker) and seven (openside flanker) will play more like two 6.5s".

and...

"Tactics?....What the heck are those?"
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Jerminator 3 - Rise of the Machine (2003) DVD

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The long awaited sequel to Buck Shelford (Terminator I), and Zinzan Brooke (Terminator II)...

An action packed blockbuster - Jerry Collins,

The rampant tackling machine and most fearsome number 8 in the world bar none leaves the terrified, dak-packing Wallabies wondering what the rego of that big, brown garbage truck was.

"Not a dry seat in the house for the full 80 minutes!" ~ Matt Burke's Underpants

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I Want my Mummy! (2003) DVD

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Action-adventure/black comedy flick starring the entire Australian rugby team at their most tragic.

Contains complete highlights of the season that will forever live in Australian rugby infamy.

Feel the panic as John O'Neill desperately attempts to revert back to a 3-match Bledisloe series,

Enjoy the tension as Eddie Jones tries to keep himself in a job by frantically spouting any ridiculous, irrelevant statistic that comes into his potato-like head.

Cack yourself laughing as George Gregan constantly cracks the shits in the face of his once-great teams' onfield buffoonery.

And sense the utter fear of the Wallabies when they realise they are simply not up to it. In the face of this onslaught, Waltzing Matilda has never sounded so camp!

"You'd feel pity if they weren't just so damn funny!" ~ Newsweek

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The Complete Compendium of Wallaby Jokes (2003) Book

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In the long tradition of kicking them in the guts when they're down, we proudly present..."The Complete Compendium of Wallaby Jokes".

We've put up with their shit for too long now, so let loose at the nearest convict with this little beaut. Go on, give it to them with both barrels with such wholesome lighthearted digs as :

Q: What do Catholic schoolboys and the Wallabies have in common?

A: They both get shafted by the Men in Black

Q: What has Bondi Beach got in common with the Wallabies?

A: Kiwis have pissed all over that for the last 100 years too.

Etc. etc, and so on and so forth...

You'll never say...

"World Champion Wallabies"

with a straight face again!

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Men in Black II (2003) DVD
~ Mitch, Jerry Collins

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The glorious return of The Mighty Men in Black, protecting New Zealand from the Scum of the Universe.

 Fresh from dishing out their record half-ton homeground humiliation at Telstra Stadium, the All Blacks put the woeful Wallabies to the sword yet again, ending 5 years or so of, let's face it, pure Wallaby arse in this August sequel to the July smash-hit.

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The Scared Bitch Project (2003) DVD
~ The Australian Rugby Team

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In July of 2003, fifteen young men from around Australia disappeared on the field at Telstra Stadium, Sydney Australia while shooting a rugby documentary...

A year later their footage was found....

Not yet released

Reselling Lemon Leaguies for Fun and Profit! (2003) Book ~ John O'Neill
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Are you a CEO who's made a rash investment? Tried to buy yourself some "Grass-Roots Support (TM)" and a Rugby World Cup by signing up all-style, no-substance white elephants who are either over the hill, slow learners, ego-maniacs, or just simply not up to it?

Fed the lambs to the slaughter once too often and your fickle fairweather fan-base and shareholders starting to suspect you've made a BIG friggin' mistake? No dramas...Cut your losses, take the money and run!

That's just some of the advice you'll get from boofy 70's porno haired, possum-headed smooth-talker "Honest" John O'Neill in this best-selling self-help, motivational guide.

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