December 14, 2006
My dearest darling John:
Thank you a hundred times
for thinking of me this way.
December 15, 2006
They are just
December 16, 2006
They are just darling but I must
insist, you've been too kind.
December 17, 2006
You are being too romantic.
December 18, 2006
Frankly, all those
birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
December 19, 2006
So you're back to the birds again huh? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them?
The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.
December 20, 2006
Seven swans a swimming. What kind of #### joke is this?
There's bird poop all over the house and they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny.
So stop those freaking birds.
December 21, 2006
It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a milking, but they had to bring their #### cows.
There is manure all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me, smartass.
December 22, 2006
The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The
neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
December 23, 2006
You rotten jerk::
They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of ####.
The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building
shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the police on you !
December 24, 2006
Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows.
All twenty-three of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're
satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.
December 25, 2006
The destruction, of course, was total.
All correspondence should come to our attention.
If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale
Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.